In response to several of the articles that I’ve written, I feel the need to be more assertive in addressing the lack of healthy, holistic and comprehensive sexuality education. I have been charged with standing in the gap! I have accepted the call and I need your help! I am starting a #HowDareINot and #ISaveLives Movement! I need you to help me by sharing my videos, articles, social media posts, and e-newsletter. Every time you share something, please include the hashtags: #HowDareINot and #ISaveLives. We need to get people on board with this movement because way too many of our youth and even adults and seniors are dying because of the lack of education, information and skills! You can start TODAY by: 1) sharing this webpage, 2) sharing the logo on all your social media sites the logo, 3) sharing the story behind the movement, and 4) taking a picture with the logo!
The story behind the #HowDareINot #ISaveLives campaign logo
The logo has a meaning! It’s a metaphor for healthy sexuality! I choose the bricks because bricks are strong and strudy. Bricks can weather the storm. They are an essential part of the foundation and without a foundation, a building will crumble. Our sexuality is our foundation. It is an essential part of who we are. It impacts every area of our lives. Our sexuality sustains us. Without a healthy understanding of our sexuality, we crumble. The deteriorating brick exposing the dark and decaying wall represents the break down or degradation of our sexuality, the lack of knowledge and comprehensive sexuality education, our failure to talk about sexuality and dying from our unhealthy sexual decisions. When we fail to talk about sexuality and/or educate ourselves and others, we put ourselves at risk because we do not understand the dimensions and spectrum of sexuality, we do not understand the direct and indirect consequences of sexuality, nor do we understand fully how to make choices to protect ourselves. The white shadowing that radiates from the “HowDareINot” website represents the knowledge, skills and tools that I share with you about healthy sexuality that will help to: 1) empower you to move from the darkness to light, 2) rebuild your crumbling foundation, and 3) help save your L.I.F.E!
SHOW YOUR SUPPORT!!!
Our goal is to get 1,000,000 people showing their support by proudly displaying the logo or hashtag! Visit www.howdareinot.com to download your #HowDareINot #ISaveLives sign. Take a photo of yourself holding the sign and email to me at email@example.com and I will share it on the L.I.F.E. by Dr. TaMara website and Blog and post it on your Facebook, Twitter or Instagram page and “tag” me in it! You can also show your support by making a donation to the campaign movement! Monies will go towards providing healthy sexuality programs and services. Your donations are tax deductible. Please visit our GoFundMe Page.
The mere utterance of the word SEX can spark all sorts of debates among parents, politicians, educators, advocates, religious leaders, friends etc., nevertheless it is a conversation that we must have! We talk about war, politics, religion, fashion, music, reality TV shows, celebrities, the latest gossip and so much more, but yet we do not want to talk about sex. If by chance we do, the conversation is limited to “don’t do it” and/or abstain. But even that message still fails our children because we do not teach them how to be abstinent.
In a day and age where HIV is still deadly, gonorrhea has resistant strains, celebrity sex tapes are the norm, sex sells everything, and casual sex is glamorized, we cannot afford to not have the conversations about sex. We live in a time where technology makes everything accessible. With the click of a button, children can find out any and everything about sex and unfortunately oftentimes the information is inaccurate, misleading and confusing. However, the quandary here is that if we do not provide them with accurate information about sex, they will continue to get it from wherever they can. It is time to come down off our ethical high horse, and stop burying our heads in the sand and pretending that children do not have sex. Because the fact of the matter is that many of them are and according to statistics many are doing it under the influence of a sub-stance like alcohol which puts them at even greater risk. It’s time to get real about sex…..comprehensive sex education that is!
We must provide our children with comprehensive sex education! Failure to do so is like placing them behind the wheel of a car and allowing them to drive without any instruction on how to maneuver the vehicle; there is sure to be an accident! Providing children with the knowledge and skills needed regarding sexuality is not giving them a license to freely engage in having sex but rather it is providing them with some essential tools that just might save their life, and definitely protect their health should they for whatever reason decide to have sex. In addition, they are less likely to get into an “accident.”
We must get beyond the belief that comprehensive sex education equates to teaching children how to have intercourse, get into different sexual positions, take birth control, or have abortions, etc. While some of those things are certainly a part of it, that is not the focal point it. True com-prehensive sex education includes conversations about the mental, emotional, spiritual, biochem-ical, social, legal, cultural and economical unintended consequences of sex – protected and/or unprotected. It also addresses how media messages impact sexuality and so much more.
We also must educate our children on personal responsibility and what it means to be accountable! We are in charge of our sexual health! We cannot rely on anyone else to make decisions re-garding our sexual health. Failure to advocate and protect ourselves is like allowing ourselves to walk blindly into harm’s way. Every time we have unprotected sex with someone whose HIV or sexually transmitted infection (STI) status we do not know, we are saying to them that I love you enough to let you kill me!
In addition to increasing knowledge, we must also increase skills! For example, it is not enough to teach that condoms prevent pregnancy and/or STIs, we must teach our children how to use a condom, the steps to putting on a condom, how to negotiate condom usage with a partner, how to communicate safer sex options and even where to purchase and how to store condoms. Skills are essential! We can have all the knowledge and wherewithal in the world but if we do not have the skills then it is still an epic failure.
Understanding how our self-esteem, self-efficacy, triggers, social determinants (i.e., income, lack of insurance, poverty, lack of access to medical care, culture, religious beliefs, race, etc.) risk factors, strength factors and protective factors impact sexuality is important as well. Gaining an understanding of this may help to determine and/or shape the impact of our choices, beliefs, behaviors and attitudes on sexuality. In addition, it may help to reduce engaging in behaviors that puts oneself at risk for engaging in sexual behaviors that contribute, directly and indirectly, to the transmission of HIV and other STIs.
Comprehensive sex education teaches the facts, dispels myths, removes the stigma and addresses taboos. Technology makes it possible for children to learn about sex from a variety of sources, many of which are not credible and do not offer information from an accurate educational stand-point. It’s so important to provide the facts from a credible source like a credentialed sex educator and not the internet or media. It is also important to teach the appropriate terminology, the body parts and functions. Knowing this information helps to inform when something is wrong with their body, reduce language barriers between patients and providers, increases treatment options and teaches them to value their body.
Finally, true comprehensive sex education approaches the entire person with a focus on healthy sexuality, not intercourse! It makes the connection on how sexuality impacts every area of our lives. It teaches the knowledge and skills needed to make safer, healthier and informed choices. Comprehensive sex education is a layer of protection that helps to empower children with information that can protect their health and save their lives!
I leave you with this thought, no education, abstinence only or comprehensive sex education….what chance are you willing to take with your child’s life? Don’t allow your child, loved one or even yourself to become a statistic!
“Great taste, less filling” is the mantra for those who advocate for swallowing semen. Nevertheless, it’s like talking, chewing gum and drinking water at the same time. For many people, it ain’t happenin’!
Before you Oooo, aaah, ugh and say how disguising it sounds, let’s take a look at what semen is. It’s a natural source of proteins, vitamins, minerals, natural sugars and nutrients. Healthy semen, mostly fructose (sugar) and proteins, doesn’t contain any harmful chemicals. Besides, if it’s mild enough for a vagina, it can’t be any harsher in the mouth or throat. According to a report from MSNBC, swallowing semen has been known to lower blood pressure, enhance moods, boost the immune system, and lessen acne. Some people even regard swallowing sperm as a spiritual, cultural, and social “norm.” Not to mention that swallowing can create an awesome visual effect that will blow your man’s mind. So, with all the great benefits of semen, how could one pass up on an opportunity to indulge in one of nature’s great wonders?
Well, most people don’t like the taste. So, in order to get you to try it, your man may have to sweeten the deal a little — literally! Men, entice your partner to partake in your manhood nectar by eating naturally sweetened fruits like pineapple, mango, strawberries, kiwi, etc. Blend these fruits into a nice delightful smoothie and drink it about an hour or so before receiving fellatio and that should do the trick! Your partner will notice and appreciate the change in the taste. Also, eating such mouthwatering fruits will not only make your semen taste a little sweeter but it will also give you a boost of vitamin C and other nutrients as well.
Also fellas, if you’re a drinker or smoker, you might want to cut back on the booze and lighten up on the smoking; these things will make you taste bitter. Acidic foods like broccoli and asparagus will leave a bitter taste in your partner’s month as well. While this is no excuse to skip out on your daily serving of vegetables, if you’re looking for a little head this evening then you may want to forgo the extra serving of greenery during dinner. If you want your partner to go down and enjoy, it’s a pretty simple equation: 2 much acidity+ 2 much substance use = bitter semen. Bitter semen = no blow job 4 you! You do the math!
If you still won’t swallow…
Okay! So, he’s eaten the fruit, cut back on the drinks and smoking and you’re still not having it. Well, it’s time to get creative and work together to cum up (pun intended) with some alternative. You need a visually stimulating way for you to get gradually comfortable with the notion of swallowing. Start by letting your partner ejaculate on your hand, breast, chest, chin, lips, etc. Another alternative to swallowing is catching semen in the month and then discreetly spitting it out into a small towel or letting it trickle down the sides of the mouth. (Having breath mints handy and popping one in the mouth immediately afterward will help with the taste as well.)
A side note for Everyone…
When giving head never gag or say “ugh” when the semen is in your mouth. Ladies, you know you wouldn’t want him doing the same to you if he got a taste of your vaginal fluids so try to be as considerate as possible. However, if it’s just that unbearable, excuse yourself and spit it out in another room.
At the end of the day (and before you pour out all your liquor, quit smoking and run out to Wal-Mart to purchase the #1 Smoothie machine), remember that the key to a successful BJ is communication. Talk with your mate or partner regarding your apprehension to swallow. Develop a “BJ” agreement — written or orally agreed upon — detailing the mutual dos and don’ts and make it something that both of you are comfortable with.
Keep in mind that a BJ can add a lot of spice to an otherwise boring sex life. But, more important than swallowing is the enthusiasm and enjoyment you put into blowing your partner’s mind. That’s what truly makes the difference between good and great head! To swallow or not to swallow is the question. The answer is totally up to the both of you!
Finally, guys, don’t get too offended if your partner won’t swallow your semen! Lead by example and show them how harmless it is and taste a nice BIG ol’ teaspoon of your own semen. Everybody say aaah!
DISCLAIMER: By no means am I promoting giving head to any and everybody! BJs are just an “extra” tool in your lover’s repertoire that you can pull out to “WOW” and share with that very special someone! And even if you’re in a committed relationship, make sure you know your partner’s HIV and STI status. Oral sex carries the same risks as vaginal and anal sex. Knowing your partners sexual behaviors and getting tested for HIV and other STIs will help to keep the both of you safer.
What’s your sex number? Inquiring minds want to know! Ok so now that I have your attention! Your sex number is a number that theoretically determines your sexual risk based on the number of direct and indirect partners that you’ve had from age 16.
After reading an article that the average British person has had indirect sex with 2.8 million people, I was dying to know how many people I’d tangentially slept with. So I went to this website Sex Degrees of Sexual Partners,” a calculator developed by Lloyd’s Pharmacy designed to scare you the freaking crap out of you or at the very least, make you think about your risk behaviors! And while the numbers may or may not be accurate, it definitely helps to promote sexual health awareness and helps you to re-evaluate your sexual behaviors, attitudes and lifestyle.
Based on the ideal of the Six degrees of separation (also referred to as the “Human Web”) which refers to the thought that, if a person is one step away from each person they know and two steps away from each person who is known by one of the people they know, then everyone is at most six steps away from any other person on Earth. The “Sex Degrees of Sexual Partners” totals up the numbers based on your number of partners, then their previous partners, and their former lovers, and so on for six “generations” of partners.
This information is intended to remind us that when we have sex with someone, we are, in effect, not only having sex with them, but also their previous partners and their partners’ previous partners, and so on. It’s important that people understand how exposed they are to sexually transmitted infections and take appropriate precautions in protecting themselves. In addition, I hope this information will spark open and honest conversations about sex and sexuality.
It’s so important to ask your mate or potential mate the right questions. You have right to know their sexual thoughts, attitudes and behaviors! If they aren’t willing to divulge the information, then you may want to consider losing that mate and finding a new one! Your life is far more important than a few moments of pleasure.
Although this study was conducted in the UK, I can’t only help but to wonder what the average would be for a man or woman in the US. Theoretically thinking about the millions of people you’ve sort-of slept with makes you a little queasy.
Now that you’re effectively terrified, I still encourage you to use the Sex Degrees of Sexual Partners to help you put things into perspective and make the necessary behavioral changes! And if you really want a get scared monogamous, ask your mate his or her sex number too.