Telling your partner that you want to try something new sexually can be stressful no matter how fantastic your relationship is. Even if you already have great communication and an openness to talk about sex, it can still bring up fears of judgment and awkwardness. If you normally don’t talk about sex in your relationship, your sudden interest to do so may incite questions from your partner who may wonder where these ‘new’ thoughts are coming from. Allow your partner the time and space to ask questions that they may have, as this is an opportunity to open up and begin to explore your sex lives together.
You may be met with excitement, hesitation, interest, reluctance and even a flat out refusal to engage in conversation and/or entertain the new sexual desire. If you are met with a less enthusiastic response, don’t push the issue. Remember it is your partner’s right to process their feelings, even if it feels like you’re bursting with sexual revelation.
Before you confess your innermost sexual desires to your partner, think about how you can bring the subject up in a way that feels safe and non-threatening to your partner. Think about things you can say to encourage your partner to hear you out, and ask them to delay judgment and responses until you finish explaining the sexual desire and why it is important to you.
Begin With What’s Already Great
Just because you’d like to introduce a new desire doesn’t mean that they weren’t pleasing you before. It just simply means that you would like to take the sex play to another level of pleasure by enhancing what you’re already doing. Praise your current sex life to make sure your partner understands this is enhancement you’re talking about, not necessarily improvement (even though it might feel that way to you.)
Do Not Bring It Up During Sex
Nothing can spoil the mood more than telling your partner what you don’t like while they are in the midst of thinking that they are pleasing you. Not only will it ruin the mood and cause them to stop but it may also result in hurt feelings and unwanted alone time for you.
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